In News….

Angry Maserati owner hires men to sledgehammer his car

A furious motorist hired four men to smash up his luxury Maserati Quattroporte with sledgehammers outside a car show in protest at the company’s poor customer service. http://metro.co.uk/2013/05/15/angry-maserati-owner-hires-men-to-sledgehammer-his-car-3760150/

Man accidentally shoots himself in the leg while bowling

A man shot himself in the leg at a busy Florida bowling alley after accidentally firing a gun in his pocket.

Cops think the bowler went to swing the ball — but bashed it on his limb — which set off the concealed revolver to shoot.

www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-accidentally-shoots-bowling-article-1.1345578

Giant six-foot penis drawn on butcher’s brand new £3,500 driveway

A butcher got the shock of his life when he arrived at his shop to discover a 6ft-long penis carved into his new £3,500 parking lot.

Simon Thornton, who is also a member of the Godalming council in Surrey, had been looking forward to using the new parking spaces behind his store.

But his enthusiasm was cut short after a vandal scrawled the genitalia onto the concrete.

http://metro.co.uk/2013/05/03/giant-six-foot-penis-drawn-on-butchers-brand-new-3500-driveway-3711858/

Naked Man Carrying Giant Cross Runs Through Beijing China: Can You Help Solve The Mystery?

A picture of a naked man running down a street with a giant crucifix reportedly in Beijing, has gone viral as internet users don their deerstalkers and attempt to solve the mystery.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/05/15/naked-man-carrying-giant-cross-in-china-mystery-_n_3279885.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-weird-news

5 crazy-stupid things that drunken tourists have done

Face it, we’ve all done things on vacation we regret.  But sometimes all sense of good judgment goes out the window when people have had too much to drink.

http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2013/05/13/5-crazy-stupid-things-that-drunken-tourists-have-done/

MAN DIES AFTER HAVING SEX WITH HORNET’S NEST

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one. Here goes: A 35-year-old Swedish man—who is only being named as Hasse—was found dead on his farm outside Ystad after making sweet, sweet love to a hornet’s nest.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/man_dies_after_having_sex_with_hornets_nest

Many thanks for listening while you eat your favourite chocolate bars.

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Sorry about that but they did make a special effort to pop back into the lab and record it.

Hope you enjoy and see you for the next episode Chocolate bars.

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This week Pete and Elton are joined by Firefly expert Odile Thomas (Sending a Wave) to talk about that highly rated episode of Dr Who, Blink.

Will Odile talk the guys into loving it or will our favourite Labsters mock the Dr?

Press play and find out.

Enjoy and please spread the word.

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Before that there is a bit of chat and news…

1. Fake funeral service proving popular after student holds her own false ceremony   http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/12/fake-funeral-service-proving-popular-after-student-holds-her-own-false-ceremony-3613269/

Following the revelation a Chinese student staged her own funeral so she could ‘enjoy’ the day, it has emerged the fake ceremony has also proved popular with other people from the country.

When Zeng Jia held her own wake, despite the fact she was still alive, many thought it was morbid and self-obsessed but it now turns out it wasn’t an unusual occurrence……

2. Man shoots himself in the head with foot-long harpoon and survives  http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/26/man-survives-after-firing-foot-long-harpoon-into-his-own-head-3667768/

You’ve got to be pretty foolhardy to fire a 12-inch harpoon into your own eye – and pretty lucky to live to tell the tale. Bruno Coutinho, 34, managed both.

The Brazilian was cleaning the loaded firearm, which he uses to go fishing, when he accidentally set it off and fired the spear into his left eye socket….

3. Scientist who spent 16 years studying boobs of 300 women declares bras are useless

http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/13/scientist-who-spent-16-years-studying-boobs-of-300-women-declares-bras-are-useless-3614659/

A French scientist who spent 16 years studying hundreds of women’s breasts has come to the conclusion that bras are useless.

Jean-Denis Rouillon unveiled his surprising findings this week to a French university radio station, having carefully analysed the boobs of more than 300 women, aged 18 to 35, since 1997….

And Now……

The robots the guys talk about range from the obvious R2-D2 from Star Wars, Huey, Dewey, & Louie from Silent Running and B.O.B & V.I.N.Cent from the Black Hole to the robots from ‘The Class of 1999’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr9UjGY8X6M and the robots from ‘Runaway’. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdCQ_klbVfQ

We also touch upon http://www.sfx.co.uk/2013/01/26/top-50-sci-fi-robots/
And Star Wars in Character – http://www.neozaz.com/category/podcasts/star-wars-in-character/

Enjoy.

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Join Pete and Elton as the discuss the 2012 movie Dredd.

Ripper Vision (TM) In action!

So, This week, I got to participate in a “Jack the Ripper” guided tour of the Whitechapel district, with my Good friend Vince, and his daughter, Holly.

We’d been recommended that “The Jack the Ripper tour”  http://www.thejacktherippertour.com/ was particularly good, so last sunday we headed down to old London town…

Our guide for the evening, a pleasant Irish fellow called Richard, joined us at Aldgate East station at 7.30pm and the tour began.

Now, I’m going to ‘fess up straight away and tell you that this tour was absolutely wonderful! Richard is clearly very passionate about his subject and frankly has a perchant for story telling.

“Story telling?” I hear you ask??? Surely we’re only dealing with facts here?

Well, yes and no… There are, it’s true, some well established facts regarding the case. However, unlike today, where police records are meticulous in their details, unfortunately in 1888, they were not so good.

Also, this case has never been solved, and there was a huge amount of media interest, rumours, theories and conjecture. When you’re dealing with a case that’s nearly 125 years old, facts are always going to be obscured, so a bloody good, factually based story is the best you’re going to get!

But my goodness, what a story this is!

Richard starts out taking you through the back streets of East London, and takes you directly to a Flop House that still stands. The second you walk off of the main street, it’s like you’ve stepped into a different world. This is still a dark and gritty area in places, and as the tour progresses, and the darkness descends, you get a real feeling for what life must have been like back in Victorian times.

A huge part of the charm with this particular tour, is how Richard builds the world that the Ripper inhabited. pointing out the flop houses, the poor conditions, the violence and social stigma the poor in this area of London suffered.

As you walk round the area, he will discuss how the area looked, what was there when the Ripper stalked the streets, and point out the remaining signs, original cobbles and other clues to the past, that you just wouldn’t see otherwise.

He also utilises his “RipperVision” (TM)! Essentially a small hand held projector, with various images: historic photographs, crime scenes, mortuary shots of the victims, photoshop interpretations of what scenes would have looked like, etc.

This is another huge boon to this particular tour. It’s all very well saying there used to be a huge arch here, but when you can see the actual arch, superimposed onto a photograph of the modern building,  well, that makes it real.

I don’t want to give too much more away, needless to say, that the tour guides sheer enthusiasm and exuberance, coupled with the work and effort he has gone through to show you how London looked, makes this the most enjoyable £9 I’ve probably ever spent!

Needless to say, this is a very gruesome subject, probably not best for young children, and I have to say, I honestly think the best day to go would always be a Sunday, when the streets are quietest.

Pete

How were their weeks? Well Pete went all posh on us and went to the theatre with his wife, Odile (Sending a wave – A Firefly podcast) and her husband.

Elton spent a week in a caravan and got far to excited playing bingo.

In News…

1. Shoe poison ‘murder attempt’ in Japan http://www.news.com.au/world-news/shoe-poision-murder-attempt-in-japan/story-fndir2ev-1226608749508

A JAPANESE man who allegedly tried to kill a woman he was stalking by putting poison in her shoes has been arrested police, reports say.

The woman, a colleague, did not die, but developed gangrene in part of her left foot, they said. It was not known to what extent she was injured or if she had to have any amputations.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/world-news/shoe-poision-murder-attempt-in-japan/story-fndir2ev-1226608749508#ixzz2QRuy8Mh8

2. Christie Dawn Harris Arrested, Police Find Loaded Gun Hidden Inside Her Vagina & Bags of Meth Between Her Buttocks http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/08/christie-dawn-harris-arrested-police-loaded-gun-vagina-meth-buttocks_n_2835876.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-weird-news

A woman arrested by police was revealed to have a loaded gun hidden inside her vagina and a bag of drugs concealed between her buttocks.

Suspect Christie Dawn Harris was arrested by police in Ada, Oklahoma this week, after a search of her car yielded crystal meth, drug paraphernalia, a pistol and some ammo.

3. Brazilian pastor tells flock that penis contained ‘holy milk’

http://freethinker.co.uk/2013/02/05/brazilian-pastor-is-behind-bars-after-telling-his-flock-that-he-penis-contained-holy-milk/

I’ve also just found this site… http://www.horridpriestcrimes.blogspot.co.uk/

4. In Zimbabwe, a prostitute died during sex “resurrects” in a coffin http://www.mizozo.com/weird/03/2013/28/in-zimbabwe-a-prostitute-died-during-sex-resurrects-in-a-coffin.html

In one of the hotels in Zimbabwe, a prostitute, while having sex with a client, has lost consciousness.  A client decided that she had a stroke and died. He waited till the morning and only then called the Police, who also thought her for “dead”.

1. Police Shoot Aggressive Cow… http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/28/police-shoot-aggressive-cow_n_2973909.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-weird-news
2. Chinese gamer spends six years in internet cafe… http://metro.co.uk/2013/03/29/chinese-gamer-spends-six-years-in-internet-cafe-3564903/

And onto the Bucket lists.

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Before that the guys talk about Hypnobobs going bi-weekly, Eltons black eye and Pete did something.

In the news….

A man smuggled cocaine in a fake bottom,

Newley weds steal finger food for their own wedding,

A bomb was found inside a squid,

And a man who lost an eye to cancer makes most of situation and becomes a zombie.

Then then Pete, Jim and Elton settle down and discuss In The Flesh (with a small opinion of World War Z at the end).

There is a bit of bonus material after the credits which was planned to be used as a separate episode.  Don’t say we don’t give you anything.

Enjoy.

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Begun, the Squirrel Baby Chronicles have…

So, the other day at my son’s Easter Fayre, we were lucky to win this delightful toy, which has been lovingly called ‘Squaby’

In order to get the terrifying thing out of the house as soon as possible, I decided to give the ugly little thing away, on the Facebook group! 

Little did I know that in fact while being both hideous, ugly and slightly scary, the members of the group would take Squiby into their hearts.

So, it was agreed that Squaby would now spend his/her/it’s days travelling the globe, having wonderful adventures, going to weddings, meeting famous people etc…

We’ll see what’s in store for Squaby, as the weeks and months go on, to begin with, He/She/it, is on the way to the USA to spend some time with Melissa Bock.

Pete x

But before all of that there is news to be had…

Amsterdam Prostitute Twins Retire

http://metro.co.uk/2013/03/14/amsterdam-prostitute-twins-retire-at-70-after-50-years-and-355000-men-3542030/

Woman tries to sell children on Facebook to bail boyfriend out of jail.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/14/misty-vanhorn-oklahoma-motherl-children-facebook-2600-bail-boyfriend_n_2874099.html

Double lottery winner not that bothered

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Double_lottery_winner_not_that_bothered

Then it’s onto the main subject of the day… The Lottery.

Do you play? why? are you aware of the odds?  http://lottery.merseyworld.com/Info/Chances.html

Lottery mathematics is used here to mean the calculation of the probabilities in a lottery game. The lottery game used in the examples below is one in which one selects 6 numbers from 49, and hopes that as many of those 6 as possible match the 6 that are randomly selected from the same pool of 49 numbers in the “draw”.

In a typical 6/49 game, six numbers are drawn from a range of 49 and if the six numbers on a ticket match the numbers drawn, the ticket holder is a jackpot winner—this is true no matter in which order the numbers appear. The probability of this happening is 1 in 13,983,816.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lottery_mathematics

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“Yes, why not”

“They say they DO want to hear…”

Well here you go. Enjoy.

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In the news there was an awesome meteor strike in Russia along with some wonderful video footage showing the meteor burning up in the atmosphere. http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2013/02/14/what-is-happening-in-chelyabinsk/

PS4 or the Playstation 4 has been announced and the guys talk about the hint that you won’t be able to play used games on your system.  *scratchy evil beard time*

Main subject of the evening….. Zoos

Everyone enjoys a day out at the zoo wether it be with school or the family but what do you like about them? Well the Shonky guys share their thoughts about zoos, animals and crazy people that like to get in the cages with the lions.

The guys hit upon Howletts Zoo which is owned by Michael Aspen, the ‘Alan’ video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgvR3y5JCXg,

Animal magic, London Zoo, Giraffes fighting, no Elephants at London Zoo, a Hippopotamus running, Dinosaurs, rubbing Pandas together.

The Pros and Cons of Zoos. http://animals.howstuffworks.com/animal-facts/zoos-good-or-bad1.htm

Five shocking zoo attacks. http://abcnews.go.com/International/shocking-zoo-attacks/story?id=16814294#

8 largest Zoos in the world. http://www.touropia.com/largest-zoos-in-the-world

Tiger wants to eat child behind glass…..

Would you rather….. Your parachute doesn’t open or eaten by a shark?

All this an a wee bit more.

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Shocking right? Well, instead of a regular episode you get to listen to the first ‘Experiment’ episode.

We hope you’ll enjoy and continue to listen.  If you like it then please let us know via shonkylab@gmail.com or the Shonky Lab Facebook group.

All the best.

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The main subject this week is about stuff we should have by now but don’t. This can take many form be it * takes deep breath *…

Hover Boards, virtual reality and rehydrated food. Transporters, robots we can fight in, replicators, holograms, everyday space flight, killer Terminator robots from the future and time machines that enable us to hide from them in the past.

A totalitarian government that is 100% open about not giving a shite about what the people want. A toupee that looks realistic! Space travel…..before real physics spoiled it all. Jet packs, meals in pill form, mars colony, robo servants, death rays, hover cars. Genetically recreated dinosaurs or a Mammoth. People living on the moon. The orgasmo-ball from the Woody Allen film “Sleeper” is a overdue by now.

Oh and here’s the link for the self parking car…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVQsVkYbpuw

Enjoy and spread the word.

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Many aspects of the program are discussed so if you don’t want to be spoiled please go and watch Firefly along with the movie Serenity.

So please take off your lab coat and don a brown coat as the three take you on a journey into the head of Joss Whedon…. you know him right? he did Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, The Cabin in the Woods & The Avengers not bad right?…. oh and Alien:Resurrection.

Lots of fun.

Enjoy.

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Do the guys like it? What is it all about? Are the makers of this movie taking the mickey out of us the viewers, Hollywood or both?

Are you a turkey feaster?

Enjoy and spread the word.

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News

Gary the goat’s Sydney flower-eating crime dismissed http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-21155065

Hawaii Coastguard Mystery: Military Holds Man http://news.sky.com/story/1042094/hawaii-coastguard-mystery-military-holds-man

“Disrespectful” IKEA ad touches nerve with Thai transsexualshttp://uk.m1.yahoo.com/w/legobpengine/news/disrespectful-ikea-ad-touches-nerve-thai-transsexuals-134153944–finance.html?.b=business%2F&.ts=1359038738&.intl=gb&.lang=en-gb&.ysid=3e13t6aN94dOM8rNYr.7TUr_

Florida cops Taser naked burglar who pooped and masturbated when homeowner pulled a gunhttp://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/23/florida-cops-taser-naked-burglar-who-pooped-and-masturbated-when-homeowner-pulled-a-gun/

UFO Filmed From International Space Station (VIDEO) http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/01/21/ufo-filmed-from-international-space-station_n_2518667.html

Video Games

Including Dreamcast Sea Bass Fishing, Sega Master System, Nintendo NES, Sega MegaDrive, The Mega CD – remember them? Night Stalker, Mortal Combat, Street Fighter, was Kyle Minogue in one of those films?

Grand Prix, Doom, the first time we had a go on a Playstation… Wipeout. Having a Sony build a console, Die Hard trilogy, Metal Gear Solid, International Superstar Football, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, Blockbusters.

The wonders of Playstation Night, trying to get out of a hole in Tomb Raider, Tomb Raider 2 was great, repeatedly running Lara Croft into the wall, the Playstation sock for Track and Field, Bomberman was a great 4 player game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UChgKEniIHw

Command and Conquer, Future Cop, G-Police, Silent Hill was very scary, Grand Turismo was and is still a brilliant game.  Mario Kart on N64, Goldeneye.  Will all gaming soon be download only?

Grand Theft Auto III, Grand Theft Auto – San Andreas, Xbox, PS2, Xbox 360, Lost, PS3, Kinect, Mass Effect – Someone please help us into it. Half Life, Half Life 2 & Blue Shift.

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We’re running a week late but sure you lovely lot won’t mind, anyway, on to the show.

Pete and Elton talk about how their Christmases were, what they did on new years – does anyone really enjoy Joules Holland any more?

Pete went to see Jack Reacher.  Pete and Eltons better halves went to see the Hobbit and loved it.

Elton ended up with a bit of Lego and watched Prometheus again……

Car simulation – Let’s Race http://www.letsrace.co.uk/

Many thanks to Mykl For the offer of the tricked out Wii and thanks go to Chris Johnson for the wicked Cover art and all the wonderful stuff he does on the Facebook page.

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

http://deadspin.com/5971049/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-this-year

Main Subject of the evening….

The Review of 2012.

Was it a good year for you lovely lot? It was Pete’s first full year in the house, Shonky Lab turns 1, the was a few trips to the cinema including Prometheus, Batman, Looper, Judge Dread, The Avengers, Brave and The Bourne Legacy.

Internet Meme including Gangnam Style, cutting for Bieber, Tiger bread, giraffe bread, Harry Potter Lego and grumpy cat.

There was also news from the year… Red Bull Stratos with Felix Baumgartner, Paul McCartney joined Nirvana, The IKEA Monkey, The Queens Diamond Jubilee, The Olympics (London 2012), The Scream was sold, NASA’s Curiosity Rover, Neil Armstrong passed, Kate Middleton boobs, Kate Middleton pregnant (She loves being in the news), Prince Harry Naked, the Hadron Collider found a God particle, The world was supposed to end….., Jimmy Savile was outed as a dirty ol’ man, Pussyriot did something, the iPad mini came out…. not in that way, Facebook hit the stocks & Shonky Lab completed one whole year.

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This week Pete and Elton tear apart The Muppets Christmas Carol like a old stuffed toy. Stuffing and stitching everywhere.

Be warned, there are impressions, lots of impressions but what do you expect from a shonky production.

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There are so many Christmas songs to choose from so we’re sure that many of the favorites were missed, but hey….. it’s a Shonky Lab.

Now for a little warning…… This show is done for entertainment. It’s a show. So with that being said, Elton a stumble of words eairly on in the podcast and it was picked up and run with as you might expect. This ‘running’ with the little faux par is what happens when friends get together and someone, sometimes, trips up on their own tongue.

It is not meant to offend anyone. If it does offend you then please email shonkylab@gmail.com and we can go through what is and isn’t offencive. Warning over.

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Before that there’s some chit chat & we ind out that Pete went off on a podcast voyage to record with ‘Sending A Wave’ (it’s a UK Firefly and Serenity podcast)

Oh, and there’s talk about one of the so-called biggest movies of 2012…. The Hobbit.

Enjoy.

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So jump in the nearest plane, fly off as the runway cracks beneath you and give it a listen.

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Two English men talk about the weather…. it’s what the English do the best right?

We’ve all been hit by the weather recently, be it sun, wind, rain or that white stuff….. snow, and we all have our favorites so why not.

So sit back, grab a mug of tea, break open the biscuits and give it a listen.

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Find the full article here.

Many thanks to Glenn Kimberly for bringing to our attention in the Facebook Group

Well Pete and Elton discuss if that’s the case.

But before all that there’s a little news and chat about Disney buying LucasFilm….. and lets be honest…. Star Wars.

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Join Pete and Elton in the Shonky Bunker* as they talk about the last days of Hitler in the 2004 film DOWNFALL.

If you enjoy this episode please check out all the others, they’re quite good you know.

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*Not a Bunker, it’s a Lab

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So….. are you a believer? do Aliens really exsist?

There’s only one way to find out…. send in the Shonky Lab guys.

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This week Elton and Pete ask questions which are seven fold…

What was your first single?

What is the worst single you’ve bought?

Your first album?

Your favourite artist?

What is your favourite album?

Of all the songs you’ve heard, which is you best ‘Pick-me-up’ song?

and finally who did you make your first mix tape for?.

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The first being The Thing (2011) – was it that bad? what went wrong? what’s good about it and did we ever really care.

The second thing (tee-hee) we have for you is The Thing (1982) – Is it still good? what was it that made it so good? and did the Doc really have a nose ring? (We said ring)

Please join Pete and Elton as they rip both films apart and drape their tenticals all over the place.

Enjoy.

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Yes the art of placing a tasty filling between two bits of bread gets its own episode in the Shonky Lab.

Oh thats right, the guys are back in the Shonky Lab… anyway, enjoy and try not to get too hungry listening.

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Have you any tattoos, piercings or other body modifications? Everyone’s thought about at least one of these right? Well no matter where you stand on the subject, Pete and Elton are talking about it.

So get your biro out and start drawing on your arm…. it’s time for Shonky Lab.

Visit the site @ www.SHONKYLAB.co.uk

Most of the music in the show is from INCOMPUTECH.com

Shonky Lab is a proud member of the ROUGE TWO Podcasting Network

We all remember the excitement of the last day at school and the dread of the last day of the holidays right? well relive some of it in this episode.

Enjoy and watch out for the secret track at the end

Visit the site @ www.SHONKYLAB.co.uk

visit incomputech.com for some of the music.

Pete and Elton cover the 1997 film Contact and try to find what makes this film tick.

Enjoy and spread the word you lovely lot.

Visit the site @ www.SHONKYLAB.co.uk

and incomputech.com for some of the music in this episode.

Well it’s here to stay, so they go over some of the toys missed off the first list.

Before all of that there’s news and stuff from the guys.

We hope you enjoy.

Visit www.SHONKYLAB.co.uk for the main site

and

incomputech.com for some of the music

Anyway, there’s a bit of general chat and movie news before all that so enjoy and please spread the word.

Visit www.sonkylab.co.uk for the main site.

incomputech.com for the music

This is Chris Lancasters awesome Big Track…

And Jim Moons ‘Stop Boris’ with a little video…

And this the one toy I always wanted from Star Wars…

So… a bit like most, I’ve read my fair share of self published ebooks and while some of them have been ok at best, most of them have been, well… complete and utter bollox, desperately in need of an editor to either a: Tell the author what they need to put right, to create a cohesive or even vaguely readable storyline or b: Tell the author it’s just not worth it, because frankly they can’t write for toffee…

So, if I’m honest when The Twitter was buzzing with the news for M.P.J Dillons new book, I was bemused at best, I vaguely know him, via friends, and well, he seems like a decent guy, but invest my own personal money in self published fiction??? No, probably not…

So, the book came out, people raved about it. They were going to weren’t they? They’re his friends. I thought I would take a look, because well, I kind of felt I owed him that much and although I sound like I’m coming down on self published authors I really want to support people when they do this stuff.

However, you know, I had to go to work, and eat breakfast and stuff, and I didn’t quite get round to it…

Then one lazy Sunday afternoon, I caught the first chapter somewhere… Don’t ask me where, I can’t remember! But, you know this stuff was actually, well… Quite good. I tweeted at the time that I was going “Rush home and buy the full version immediately” which, I pretty much did.

As soon as it arrived on my ipad, I started reading, and read and read, until the book was done, pretty much in one  sitting.

This is a GREAT book. It is well written, compelling, interesting and leaves you wanting more! The world which M.P.J Dillon has created will seem familiar to anyone who’s read any Sci Fi / Fantasy books at all, put he has firmly put his own stamp on HIS world.

If you’ve read any Clive Barker and enjoyed it, in particular Weaveworld and Sacrament, I suspect that you will enjoy this immensely, hell, if you even vaguely enjoy anything fantasy oriented, I suspect you’ll enjoy it immensely!

So, I’ll leave you with the first chapter, which got me hooked. Once you’ve read it, I implore you to go to Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/Travellers-Duty-Traveller-Series-ebook/dp/B008D5JZH8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342709520&sr=8-1 and buy it… Not because you know M.P.J Dillon, not because you want to know M.P.J Dillon and make him your friend, not because guys like him need all the support they can get, but because it’s a bloody good, really enjoyable book.

Pete Kelk

I

1941

“I’m telling you, Alfie, he ain’t right!”

The warden looked over again at the nondescript shape crouching in the corner of the shelter, trying to spot something amiss. Norman was right, in a way: there was something out of place about the man, something which marked him as being… well, not quite right, as he had said. Alfie didn’t recognise him either; in fact nobody did judging from the strange looks he was attracting from the rest of the crowd. Of course, the poor chap didn’t deserve the attention he was getting but suspicion was everywhere these days; it was as much as Alfie could do to quell the staring and impolite whispers. He didn’t like it – he didn’t find it decent – but he knew that every time the bombs began to fall the shelters became a powder-keg, and the last thing he wanted to do was to provide a spark. Nonetheless the point stood: the shape in the corner was a stranger and he was odd.

Alfie had marked him out the moment he arrived, not thirty seconds before the doors were closed. He’d stepped lightly through the doors, almost out of thin air, completely calm and wearing a faint smile. Alfie had seen plenty of people escape a raid by the skin of their teeth; usually there was nervous laughter or a pantomimed wiping of the brow – some acknowledgement of the lucky escape. The stranger hadn’t been fazed in the slightest and that hadn’t even been the worst of it. Alfie hadn’t known what to make of it, but when the stranger had passed through the door there had been something in his wake. There was something following him, like a shadow just out of view. If you tried to focus on it your head began to hurt but it was definitely there. Alfie wasn’t a superstitious man, but he didn’t want to hazard a guess at what it was. He’d just muttered a prayer under his breath and closed the door as always, and the stranger had quietly padded over to a shady corner and sat down to wait out the raid.

In what he’d depressingly begun to think of as ‘real life’, Alfie Porter was a postman. Being a postman wasn’t a complicated job, even in London, and – barring the odd run-in with a curmudgeonly cat in Holbein Road – it wasn’t particularly dangerous either. Before the war Alfie had thought this a shame. His father had raised him on stories of cowboys, soldiers, and men from Mars and so he had felt intrinsically cheated once he’d reached adulthood when, instead of manifesting the swashbuckling and adventure he’d thought he was due, life charged him with the delivery of bills and birthday cards. When the war has started he’d marched straight down to the recruitment office and signed up but he’d failed the medical, and had returned to his postal route dejectedly. Then the Blitz had begun. These days Alfie didn’t yearn for danger. These days he prayed for its absence.

To cover his unease he made a great show of sighing, and turned back to his friend. “I know what you’re saying, Norm, but what do want me to do about it? He’s got a right to be here, same as anyone else.”

“Yeah, yeah, maybe,” Norman said, running his hands through his untidy hair. “But look, couldn’t you have a word?”

“A word about what?” Alfie said, rolling his eyes. “He ain’t done nothing, Norm. And what d’you want me to do? Stick him outside?”

As if to punctuate the point the room shuddered violently as a shell landed nearby. Norman blanched at the sudden dark thought.

“Nah, Alfie. Course not.”

“Right then,” Alfie said, relieved. He tapped his white helmet. “Keep calm and carry on, that’s the ticket.”

As Norman scuttled back to his wife, Aflie decided that what would keep him calm was a smoke. He patted his pockets absent-mindedly, eventually coming up with a dented tin and some matches. He focused on rolling the cigarette, finding comfort in the process of the simple task. It helped him to block the noise from outside, for a few moments making the world a small and warm place. As he raised the finished roll-up to his lips a quiet voice said: “Is that tobacco?”

Alfie started, almost dropping the cigarette. The stranger was staring at him from out of the shadows, pale blue eyes appearing to shine in the dim light. He was no longer sitting but crouching, as if ready to spring up at a moment’s notice. His head was cocked inquisitively, his long red hair hung beneath a wide-brimmed hat. He was five meters away, but despite this Alfie had the feeling that he’d heard them talking.

“Calm your thoughts,” the stranger said, as if he could sense them. “I mean no harm. I am quite fond of English tobacco, after a fashion, but I have exhausted my own supply. Perhaps you might spare me a pinch?”

Alfie frowned. The stranger had the barest trace of an accent. For a moment Alfie considered reaching for his baton but quickly dismissed the idea; whatever the accent was – Irish? Scots? Dutch? – it definitely wasn’t German or Italian, and the stranger certainly didn’t look Japanese. As far as as Alfie was concerned, that was the main three tests for decency passed already.

“Er,” Alfie said, clearing his throat. “Yes, sir, it is. Tobacco, I mean.”

The shadow in the corner appeared to nod. “Might I trouble you to fill my pipe? If you can spare it, of course.”

The tin was full. Alfie knew that without looking, because he’d filled it that morning. It had been the first full tin he’d seen for a while; rationing may not have made it as far as the tobacco industry but Alfie was a kind man, and he preferred to make sure that his sister and her children were kept comfortable, especially with her husband away at war. No matter how hard times were, however, he couldn’t bring himself to deny a fellow man a smoke. Swallowing hard, he walked over to where the stranger sat and held out the open tin.

Close up the stranger appeared far less strange. He was younger than Alfie, maybe by a few years, which would place him in his mid to late twenties. His hair was shoulder-length, worn loose, kept in check only by a battered hat which had lost its original shape long ago. It was still damp from the rain and smelled of old leather, which wasn’t entirely unpleasant. He wore a coat to match, which had clearly been stitched and repaired several times over, careworn but still serviceable. The rest of his clothes were equally nondescript and frayed, a testament to the spirit of ‘Make Do and Mend!’, but there were stout boots covering his feet. The boots were of particular interest to Alfie, who had a keen eye for such things: they were the boots of a serviceman, and fairly new.

“Hiding out, are you?” Alfie asked, as the stranger pinched the barest amount of tobacco between thumb and forefinger and dropped it into the bowl of a fairly ornate wooden pipe. It was a large bowl but the pinch seemed to fill it easily.

“Hiding?” the stranger said, tamping down with his thumb. “No, quite the opposite.”

“But you are a solider?”

The stranger smiled, looking up at Alfie for the first time. His crystalline eyes shone from the shadow between hat brim and chin. “Yes,” he said. “How very astute of you.”

Alfie swelled at little at the compliment. “It’s the boots,” he admitted. “British Army, standard issue. See a lot of ‘em these days, especially round here. How d’you get away with hair like that in the Army?”

“My commander is not as concerned with my appearance as he is with my duty,” the stranger replied. He had lit his pipe, although Alfie didn’t recall hearing the strike of a match. Aromatic smoke coiled lazily in the air, the familiar odour of Player’s Navy Cut smelling more exotic than usual.

“Where are you stationed?”

“Here, for the time being,” the stranger replied. “I am to protect someone of great importance.”

Ah, thought Alfie. A bodyguard, undercover. Now it all made sense. He wondered who the stranger was supposed to be protecting but decided not to ask. The stranger probably couldn’t tell him anyway. It was probably classified or something. The thought gave him some admiration for the stranger, which tempered the growing sensation of unease that was crawling under his skin. There was a hostile feel to the air, as if Alfie and his questions were not welcome. Worse still, it didn’t seem to be coming from the stranger but from that terrible empty space beside him. The space that nobody would look at.

The stranger leaned back against the shelter wall, his eyes closed as he enjoyed his smoke. As he moved, Alfie caught sight of something hidden underneath his coat. It was a rough wooden sword, exactly the sort that a father might make for his child. It hung from the lining of the coat, thrust into a loop of cloth stitched into its surface, as if to be drawn in a hurry.

“You have kids, then?” Alfie asked, as nonchalantly as he could manage.

“I am not entirely certain,” the stranger replied.

“Oh,” Alfie said. He had distinct views on that sort of thing. Coughing, he said: “Nieces? Nephews?”

“I am alone,” the stranger replied. “I expect that is why I was chosen for this assignment. I have no-one to fear for my safety as I wait.”

“What’re you waiting for?”

“My charge,” the stranger said. “I may have arrived too early for my task. Thus, I wait. I listen. Duty, as ever, will present itself.”

The hairs on the back of Alfie’s neck had started to prickle. He desperately wanted to move away but compassion made him remain on the spot. He was starting to doubt that the stranger was a soldier at all. If he was, he was suffering from shellshock. At the very least, he looked like he’d been sleeping rough.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” he asked. “Who is it that you’re waiting for? Maybe once the all-clear sounds we could ask around, see if anybody’s spotted ‘em.”

“Ah,” the stranger replied. “Now you approach my dilemma. You see, I do not know who I am waiting for. He – or she – may not have even been born yet.”

“So what will you do?” Alfie asked, making a mental note to contact the police as soon as humanly possible. This man was clearly unwell.

“As I said, I shall wait. And if waiting proves fruitless, I shall search. I have many years ahead of me. I am not concerned. It may take one hundred years but I shall one day fulfil my oath. It is as it was meant to be.”

“Don’t you – ” Alfie was interrupted as the all-clear siren blared. Bustling over to the shelter door, he unlocked the exit and stood aside as the occupants surged forward, desperate to get home and see if theirs was one of the houses destroyed. As he passed by, Norman gripped his arm.

“Well?” he said.

“Well what?” Alfie snorted, knowing exactly what his friend wanted.

“What did he say? I saw you talking to ‘im. Seemed a queer sort.”

“He’s…” Alfie turned back to the corner but the stranger was gone. “Yeah, Norm, he was a queer sort all right. I just…”

Norman’s eyes bulged. “Yeah?”

“It was the strangest thing, Norm. I mean, he was on his own, right?”

“Yeah? So?”

“You’re going to think I’m mad but just now, when I was talking to him… I could have sworn somethin’ in the corner growled at me.”

Far above them, in the ruined streets of East London, a sturdy pair of boots walked calmly through the debris towards the outskirts of the city. Beside them, apparently unnoticed by the other pedestrians, the dust swirled as something followed.

Many questions were raised on the closing credits of the film so spoilers are ahead throughout the show. There are also some weird and wonderful thoughts of what could be with sequals to the prequal…. some may be too disturbing.

Enjoy, spread the word and please check out Hypnobobs and The Black Dog Podcast in iTunes or on geekplanetonline

Cheers

Zombies are on the cards again as Pete and Elton start a new series in the Shonky Lab – ‘Pilot Episodes’ – and first to be reviewed? Why it’s the wonderful ‘The Walking Dead’

The guys talk about the Pilot episode and also compaire it to the graphic novel (or comic if you like) and find out what makes it a must watch.

And with it being a ‘shonky’ lab, there will be SPOILERS so please be warned if you haven’t seen up to the end of season 2.

Enjoy you lucky lot.

Once again, the visual Poet Laureate has done it again, this time, with Walking Dead!

Yes, in reality, if ever there were a zombie apocalypse, there’s a bloody good chance Elton and I would end up arguing about biscuits…

Many thanks to the wonderful Chris Johnson for his wonderful contributions!

Here’s whats going to happen, your going to listen and we’re going to talk Primer and you won’t interrupt.

Some of this you know. Pete & Elton, with special guest Iain Lee will start at the top of the page…..

Yes that’s right, the Shonky Lab gu…*cough* technicians (Pete and Elton) are joined by Primer fan Iain Lee to talk about one of the most wonderful and confusing films of recent times.  So sit back and enjoy.

Don’t forget to check out Iain’s podcast The Iain Lee Pocket Radio Show and his websitesIainlee.com and set the agenda.com

We’ll be looking at both the first Graphic novel collection, Days gone bye and the Pilot episode of the first series too.

If you’ve got anything you’d like to tell us about, either the graphic novel, the tv series as whole, or just the pilot, please email us!

mail to:shonkylab@gmail.com

So, during the last episode we discussed Tony Stark being thrown through a sheet of toughened glass. Which is ridiculous.

Anyway, here’s the footage of friend of the show, James May, dropping a mini on a sheet of toughened glass… yeah, there’s no way you could a.)break the glass with a human body or b.) survive.

A lovely little pic of what the shonky lab may look like from our resident artist, Mr. Chris Johnson…

Please let me assure you all, the shonky lab is considerably more shonky looking than this.

Thanks as ever, Chris.

If you’d like to email across a pi of what you think the shonky lab looks like or should look like, then send it along to us at shonkylab@gmail.com and we’ll put it up here for all the world to see!

So, a couple of weeks ago, Elton set a competition for the best car tyre changing story, the winner was Mr Lee Medcalf. Please see the picture of him, almost looking happy.

Well, in fairness, we only had 3 entrants, Chris was disqualified on the basis that it was only bike tyres, Lee ‘CartBozman’ was in with a chance, but he owes Elton relish, and he just doesn’t forget these things…

If you listen to our ghosts episode http://www.shonkylab.co.uk/2012/05/27/ghosts-shonky-lab-02-03/ you can hear his tale of woe, dropping his own car, while attempting to change his wheel.

You are a truly shonky wheel changer Lee and we applaud you!

Golf clap…

But before all the ghosty type stuff there’s a little news, feedback and another brand new segment from Jim ‘Hypnogoria‘ Moon “Flicks of the unexpected”

Enjoy and don’t forget the next episode will be about the film Primer.

All email is welcome to shonkylab@gmail.com

(visit incomputech.com for royalty free music)

The Shonky lab poster creator has done it again… This week, we’re talking Ghosts on the cast and Mr. Chris Johnson has come up with another great Steam Powered Nazi poster for our delectation…

Yep. Still no argument, a zombie Nazi improves everything chick flick related!